Updated: Apr 2, 2018
"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces. Matthew 7:6
In life, you don't get to choose whether you get hurt, but you do have a say in who hurts you. Every close and intimate relationship will have its fair share of hurt, anger, sadness, and fear. Oftentimes, there are elephants in the relationship. Without acknowledging the elephants, they get bigger and cause relational discomfort and eventually, turmoil. That being said, we should set standards for the people we have in our lives and also the kind of person we want to become for our friends and our communities as we continue on the journey to honoring our calling. Personally, I’ve come to the point where losing friendships is not as important as losing my integrity. Unfortunately, most people have never learned the tools needed to find good friends and have never learned how to be good friends who protect one another’s integrity. Hoping someone can meet your needs and trusting their capacity to do so are two different things.
For any relationship to be healthy, there has to be safety and trust which is built in moments. Trust is not something you can do or produce. Trust is the fruit of a relationship where you know you’re loved. The way we determine trustworthiness has been broken down into an acronym called CASUAL that gives us the anatomy of trust. I developed this concept based on the casual friends term, but casual friends are defined as friends that provide a sense of comfort and safety to be yourself and live the life that you are designed to pursue.
Clear Up Assumptions and Clarify Expectations – Have the courage to have a conversation with your friend instead of making up a story about a situation.
Admit Their Wrongs and Accept Your Individuality – They own their mistakes and respect your choices.
Secret Keeper – They protect your confidences and also refuse to share the confidences of others.
Undivided and Word Honoring – They remain the same person no matter what and keep their promises.
Avoid Judgment – They put themselves in your position and don’t make themselves superior to you.
Limits – They know how to treat you and know what’s okay and what’s not okay in a relationship with you
For the in depth conversation on trust and healthy relationships, you can check out the book Bridge the Gaps – Lessons on Self-Awareness, Self-Development and Self-Care. Visit the website www.thebridge330.com.
Jonathan Frejuste, EQi Coach